Somebody call 911!!

I’m not really sure if 911 works in Nigeria here for emergencies, but boy did we need to call one in my compound at home today! Mehn….Fire is a very terrible and disastrous thing!

I honestly never thought I’ll be back here so soon coupled with the rigors of trying to get work done at my workplace and hustling for cash to get to my workplace at thesame time, in this era of cash scarcity, but here I am.

‘Our house is burning’. That was the first text I got from my sister that made my heart race. My mind went straight to our cooking gas at home. Geez, did someone leave the gas on? Did our sockets explode? Did I forget to unplug our Iron? Was it the freezer? Was it the Air Conditioner? What of my passport? My Nysc Certificates, birth certificates and the likes? Myriad of thoughts flooded my mind as I knew we had been guilty of leaving the tap running in the house in the past. 

‘Are we the ones responsible?’ I asked my sis, but for some reasons she was responding slowly which only made my heart beat faster. I called her but she wasn’t picking. I don’t know if she was deliberately keeping me on suspense, but whatever she was trying to do, it was working, She picked my call on the second dial. ‘Are we responsible?’ I asked again. ‘No’. She replied reassuringly. She could almost hear me breathe a sigh of relief over the phone. ‘Is that all you’re concerned about?’ She asked, sounding a tad surprised after which I replied explaining why I asked, to her. Of course that wasn’t all I was concerned about. My mind was running with emotions and that was the first question that raced from my head to m my tongue. All I know is that I needed to be sure that whatever had happened during the course of the fire was not due to our negligence because this would determine how I handled other news? What happened? Hope no one was hurt? How much fire are we talking about here? I threw a lot of questions at her as she answered me with details.

I’m sure you guys are curious about what happened. Lol, what if I decided to stop here and continue next week, how would you guys like the sound of that? 

But nah. This is not a series. What I start, I must finish.

Apparently, this is what happened. Our security guard was sent to buy fuel by his boss. It’s a long story. In other settings, the security guard works for everyone, but here, he has a boss who he’s loyal to, while the rest of us, well, na God dey truly protect us, is all I can say. 

I honestly don’t know how he could have made the mistake of keeping the fuel inside his room while cooking and even sleeping off to worsen it all. But my dearest readers, that was exactly what happened. This mistake led to a fire eruption which affected his building which is separate from others. Unfortunately, the fire roasted him a little too. Guys this is not the most unbelievable part. Will you believe that while the fire was roasting him ☹️😩😭, he couldn’t feel it because he was deep asleep?. How deep was that sleep? Were they sharing new notes in the sleep? Was he being elected as our next Nigerian president? Was he being granted access to heaven’s gates? Was he on drugs? He doesn’t do drugs to my best of knowledge but what manner of sleep art that? 

You guys won’t believe if I tell you that he couldn’t hear people screaming ‘Fire’ and shouting outside as they watched the fire grow bigger and bigger. I am very amazed and perplexed at this kind of sleep and I honestly intend to research about it, to know if it’s truly possible to have your body burning and not know while asleep.

 This made me remember the day my sister woke me up around 5am one fateful Sunday morning. She saw a big rat in our house and somehow felt waking me up was going to solve anything. Like me? Me that just learnt how to stop being oppressed by cockroaches how to finally kill them with a broom in 2020? Well, I didn’t know what to do than freak out. It’s been ages since I came across a live rat. I ran downstairs to get a stick and stone, then went to beg our guard to please help us kill this mighty rat, I even offered to pay him for this service. In his words and I quote, ‘I no fit. I am very drunk in sleep right now’. Well, I sadly went back upstairs to battle with the rat myself, as well as with my 2 sisters. My big sis just eroded the scene, all I know is we didn’t see her again. My small sis was headed for school and her uber had arrived, so it was just me and the mighty rat. Lol. You guys should calm down. This is not one of those tales about how a small girl like me was able to kill a mighty rat. This is far from it. Well the rat jumped on a window, and I tried to use my stick to get it to jump down but guys, I won’t lie to you, since it came down from that window,  I never found it again. I searched and searched but I couldn’t find it. I bought rat poison for it some days later. I don’t know if it ate it or not. All I know is that I am still looking for the rat till today. If I see it, I will let you know.

Anywhooooooz, back to my story. The summary is that I guess there’s something unique about the way our guard sleeps. If his senses couldn’t wake up to a fire literarily coursing through his body, why would he wake up from his deep sleep to help us kill a useless rat?

He has been rushed to the hospital and I seriously do pray to God that he survives because, honestly, he wasn’t paid enough for this trauma. How much is he being paid? That amount can’t even buy correct wig. 

This brings me back to a school of thought, that school of thought is that, we all should better be mindful of who we are loyal to, because,  at the end of the day, you may just be seen as nothing but a tool. A means to an end and nothing more. Will you guys believe the boss who sent him to buy fuel wasn’t the one who took him to the hospital? The wife was driving a car in when they were about to take the burnt guard to the hospital. They tried to put him in her car, she replied saying ‘ You can’t put him in the car, can’t you see my children are here?’ It was another neighbor in the compound whose car the security guard had stopped washing for a long time, that rushed him to the hospital. 

Guys, by all legal means, look for a way to carve a niche for yourself in the business industry and become financially independent and successful. I know not everyone will climb to the higher class and there will always be middle class and lower class as the existence of all this classes play a role in the society, this is what we call functionalism theory, but I don’t intend to bore you all today with my sociological bla bla bla, my own is, just try your possible best not to find yourself putting all your youth and energy into somoeone else’s dreams all the days of your life, while yours perishes. Look for your own dream and chase it, nurture it, and build it. I know not everyone is selfish but man is by nature selfish. All your youth will be sucked dry like an orange and when your juice has finished, you will be discarded and thrown away. Then when you are old, that is if you don’t end up losing your life for the dreams of another, you will wonder what you did with your life and when you think deeply on your death bed, you will shut your eyes in discontentment. God forbid you die helping someone to achieve his purpose in life while you fail to fulfill yours. When you get to heaven, that is if you even believe in heaven, what will you tell God? No, infact, let’s leave afterlife for now. On your death bed, what will you tell yourself? Your children? Your grandchildren? That you weren’t equipped enough to fulfill your purpose? All the times you have spent learning under people, those are equipments on their own. Seek to grow into your purpose. Don’t give up. Find what you are called to do and achieve it but the question is do you even know your purpose? I don’t care whatever your age is. Every brand new day is a second chance to discover what or who you were meant to be. Actions have consequences, inactions also have consequences. We will reap the fruits of our labour be it action or inaction.

All in all, wherever you find yourself today, it should be leading you towards your dreams, and pleaaase, when you get there, don’t forget how you were treated when you were under people. If you were treated awfully, you know how it feels, if you treat people thesame way, what makes you any different from those who maltreated you? If you were treated kindly, it’s time to give back. Don’t forget to show kindness in all you do. Because, one day, we are all going to die. This body is just a container. Your soul will not live inside there forever! The day you exit that container of a body, all your life will flash before your very eyes and that is when you will realize there is nothing delightful about having an evil heart and being nothing but an awful memory in the mind of others.

I hope I have communicated to someone today, even if it is just myself. Right now, I am really sad about this situation. It is not funny at all, but, it is well. I am tired of all these sad stories joor. Hopefully, in my next blog I will be getting married or something, or sharing good news about a loved one or friend. I put you all in my prayers. Please, do the same for me. Till I come your way again! Keep winning, keep fighting, keep loving! In the end. Love may just be the answer to everything. I love you all! Adieus Amigos!!!

Clash of the Titans 😂😮‍💨😴🤣

Nigeria is an interesting place to be for reals and I like how we can make humor out of anything, no matter the circumstance. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks in this country and I’ve been wanting to share my experience, but mehn.  Lol. I didn’t even know where or how to start. But what kind of blogger would I be if I deprived you all of this juicy gist?????😁😁😂.

 

Today, a friend reached out to me asking for my blog link, complimenting my posts afterwards. That was when I remembered I have not even blogged about what we are all facing together in our beloved country, and that was how I ended up here. Help me thank the friend o. He is the reason there is content for you all this night. 

Apparently the drama began to unfold  when CBN Governor said we should stop spending old notes on the 31st of January. Later, he extended it till 10th of February, then later 15th. But all these while, I had not started experiencing any ‘Shege’ because I usually withdraw for a whole month. I don’t like withdrawing in bits, so, I was still doing well. Infact, let me not lie, since this whole drama started, I have not gone to buy money from POS attendants for once, I did try to go to the bank to withdraw once or twice but I didn’t have the energy to queue for so long, so I’ve just been managing myself but I can’t say thesame for my fellow Nigerians and I dread the day it will be my turn to experience the overwhelming flood of ‘Shege’. 😮‍💨🤭.

 I remember when I went to the market to buy foodstuffs as the wife material that I am🤭, I did transfers more than 5 times that day. Transfer to buy maggi 🥱🙈😂, transfer to buy Salt, even curry and thyme. Even Aboki sef collected his own transfer for yam😂. Even Abokis are now having account numbers, that should let you know that things are occurring.? I’m just glad all my transfers were successful because if my money had hanged in the air during one of those numerous transfers, I know not what I would have done. The only person wey no gree collect transfer was one old Yoruba woman. I tried to speak the little Yoruba I could boast of to the old woman. ‘E joor ma, Shay mo lay Shay transfer ma?’ I wanted to buy eggs. People of God….😂😂😂, if you see the kind of bad eyes this woman used to look at me,😂. Omo, na so I pack all the remaining change wey dey my pocket give am o. It was not enough to buy the crate of eggs I was hoping to buy but it was able to get me half at least. 

My fellow Nigerians.  I have witnessed a lot😂. I have seen people enter into the armpits of others just to get to the front of an ATM  queue. I have heard of cases where banks were dishing five thousand naira packaged in five nairas, ten nairas, twenty nairas and fifty nairas respectively. I honestly can’t remember when last I saw five naira, I thought it had gone into extinction, because nothing is worth that amount anymore again in my dear country, but lo and behold, 💀💀😂, dead bones shall rise again!!! I dread the day I will have to queue at the bank because my can cannot even can😮‍💨🥱. I have seen ‘baseje’ Nigerian citizens vandalizing and destroying bank’s buildings and gates, flying over fences just to get their money. How is destroying a window going to make an ATM cough out new notes in the first place, nitori olorun????? But these Government sef. I don’t get it. So you told us to go and put all our money into the bank only to suffer severe hardship in order to get it out back. Shay you dey whine me?😂? You know the funniest thing? You can transfer money to someone today and get debited, then when you wake up the next day, you will see the money right back in your account 😂. To do transfers, wahala, to use your ATM, wahala, cash, no go area😂. The other day, I tried to pay for electricity bills, transaction was declined, they debited me. Okay, reverse it, wahala. I later got my money back though. Don’t ask me how. 

Even POS attendants that were using us to cash out during the reign of old notes, are now looking for new notes too, since CBN Governor declared 500 old notes and 1000 old notes useless on the 15th of February. They now said we should be spending 200 nairas. Na wa o. Imagine. A whole us. So you’re trying to tell me that if I don’t have new notes, Na 200 naira I go dey use do big girl for Lagos? 😁. What a wonderful waaawu! 

I have already told my peeps at work that once I run out of cash they won’t see me again o. Nobody should stress me biko because even public buses that hardly ever reject anything are now rejecting old notes. If you don’t have N100, N200 or new notes, just humbly get down, because you honestly will not like them to start their drama. Our bus drivers and conductors can be very dramatic. One of our nurses sent an  elaborate message to our group chat today, 3 long paragraphs on how she has been experiencing heavy drops of ‘Shege’ commuting, due to the new naira note policy. Long story short, we no dey see her green light for work today💀😂. Truly truly, mama no turn up o. Our boss later distributed new note cash to few of us at work shaaa. Now this is what I can proudly call a well deserved urgent ‘2k’. Not the ones my genders are collecting at Lekki. I have never been an urgent 2k babe, but for new notes omo, I will be an urgent 2k for you babbbbby😂💋😍🐓❣️🤭.   Please nobody should come and kidnap me in my house now o, because I told you guys I am two thousand naira richer, I may have to go under witness protection. Eish. May God protect me.

I’m just praying to God that before ‘Shege’ comes for me too, somehow somehow, I would have been able to access new notes. 

Even though I’m one of those Nigerians that doesn’t have PVC, I know I am wrong here, please forgive me y’all. But I still want to plead with y’all to go and vote for us. Vote away our Sorrows and future Shege biko. Don’t go and vote one old man o. Or someone that will be saying ‘Is it for eba or garri?’ Up and Dan. I hope we have all not forgotten what happened on the 1st of October, 2020. It’s about to be a looooooong 8 years, if we make just one wrong step. There is hope for this country in the right hands, y’all. 

Although, I do wonder if any of these candidates are actually capable of saving this country, or actually truly have our intentions at heart, but wetin we go do, one must emerge as the winner,  let us just try and vote for the one that will not steal too much of our money shaaa. May the gods be with you and direct you all in your decision making.

And yeah… There are protests going on here and there, tear gases and shootings and nobody knows what is going to happen after election. 

I beg you all my lovelies, please stay safe for mama. Till I come your way again!!!!! Xoxo……Your one and only …..Queen Elizabeth!!! Mwaaaah😋💋

Update! Update! Public buses and napeps are now collecting transfer o!! At least some sha🤪. I’m waiting for Agbalumo sellers to start collecting transfer because you know what is paining me? 😭. I cannot buy Agbalumo. I’m sorry for all the tush people here who know it as cherry, but I assure you, it tastes better when you call it Agbalumo. If I go and meet her now and tell her I want to do transfer for Agbalumo won’t she stone me with one like this? 🙈. See guys, this is the most painful part of the scarcity of this cash of a thing. But let’s just all stay strong. Adieus Amigos😍😍🥰🐓.